Carnival Comes to Ten Taverns Excitement brews in Ten Taverns as the renown Milenko Carnival is due to pass by the village on it's tour of the Western Realms. Setting up along the estuary, The Great Milenko Travelling Carnival will pull up it's wagons, pitch it's tents and marquees for three days of revelry and amazing feats before packing up and travelling further South to Drakeport. Included among the troubadours, jugglers, bards and acting troupes will be the amazing Jekyl Brothers, Harker's Circus of Freaks and a production of Willum Rattlepike's 'Piggy Pie' performed by the King's Strolling Players. For those who like a bit of participation, the Mighty Gunta McSlam takes all challengers in ten rounds of bare knuckle brawling. Different food and drink from around the Realms can be bought from Old Ma Phago's Glut Emporium and if you're feeling brave you can walk down The Great Milenko's Hall of Illusions. Whatever your tastes the Milenko Carnival is not an event to be missed and as nobody but Milenko himself knows when it'll pass by again you'll probably never witness a spectacle like it. Elias Demarkus

Dark Elves Stalk Outlands The Militia are investigating recent reports from the Mages Guild of Drow activity in the Outlands. Dark Elf or Drow activity has not been reported since the King's Rangers filled in many of their surface entrances after the Elven Alliance War. These new reports have caused great concern to the authorities as they are still recovering from the Goblinoid Horde and more recently the Red Death Epidemic. Through divination and augury members of the Red Robed Mages picked up a sudden Dark Elven presence not too far from Dellgate and quickly investigated the source. Leaked information describes how a group of adventurers accompanied by Sergeant Ragnar of the Duke's Militia and King's Ranger John Norwood ran into a large force of Dark Elves prowling the Outlands. Violent fighting broke out between both groups and it seems for the moment the force was repelled. It is this information that has the authorities concerned and they are hiring persons to find out exactly where the Dark Elves entered onto the surface. If this situation escalates the Western Realms Gazette will be your first source for a detailed exposé on the threat. Caspian Klent

Exclusive Thorak- 'I'm Gay' The Western Realms Gazette recently spoke to with an ex employee of the Royal Household whom brought shocking revelations to life. Dweezal Bultern the King's Vermin Control Operative alleges the King forced his attentions upon him whilst coaxing Three Legged Jack, a rat who has plagued the Royal house from the King's boot. 'Eye didn't know wha' ta doo' exclaimed a frightened Dweezal as he rubbed his sweaty, pox ridden face into mine. 'I could feel his moustache scraping against my lips as he said to me 'I'm gay, Dweezal. I want you to take me. Take me to where I could never go with my fair Queen.' 'At the time I didn't know how I should act - I've never been made to perform the kind of acts that he made me do before. I'd never even been gay before!' 'Soon I knew I was in love - after all, he is from barbarian stock, and he made me feel it. His love that is.' 'Then one day it went too far. Duke Nazgar had come to visit and the King was keen to let him enjoy me as well. I wasn't having that - I come from a family of staunch royalists and there was no way I would bow to him. I soon found out the shocking truth - the civil war was actually a lovers tiff between Thorak and Nazgar - it took the intervention of their mutual love servant Gakrand to bring them back together. When this came to light I could take no more, not even from the King. That's when I knew I had to go public - I just knew that no one would believe me.' 'To cover his obscene depravity I knew that the King would try to have me arrested and executed, that's why I knew I had to kill him before he killed me. That night I slipped back into his quarters. When I had finished I had secreted a hungry and diseased rodent into his codpiece. This would soon finish him off and I would be in the clear.' At this point in the interview one of the orderlies arrived to administer the customary lights-out beating to Dweezel that is the common practise in the Dellgate sanitarium. With that the interview was cut short, but not before I took the opportunity to administer a few well-placed kicks into the treacherous scum. Dweezel Bultern is due to be summarily executed on the 20th of the 8th cycle for treason, defamation of the King's character and theft of some of the King's effects. Execution will be by the experimental 'Red Hot-Roger' technique. The family requests donations to be sent to Sheetra's Sanctuary for Rabid Rodents (Dellgate). Sosay Greffnut

A Short Treatise on the Art of Combat By Master Shoo Lee For those adventuring in Outlands, fighting is way of survival but it always must be remembered that it too is an art form. At the Kougan School of Fighting Arts, pupils are shown that with correct approach their chances of besting opponent are greatly increased by following a few very simple principles. It is these disciplines that I share with you reader so that you find combat more than simple matter of kill or be killed. Firstly correct state of mind must be attained; acting with intent is half of battle. You must enforce your will upon the creature you face and then bend their mind to your style. Let opponent know your intent and then you will be able to see if their will can be bent. If so you will quickly find adversary open to true combat. A firm and definite blow will always triumph over many lesser hits. Landing greater number of blows will most likely be received as gashes and light wounds. A flurry of blows will not enforce the impact of the attack upon your foe and it is more than likely it will respond instinctively with an equally fast and vicious counter. The correct application of this technique is to land a definite forceful blow, with a large swing allowing full strength to be applied. This will cause opponent to reel back in shock and pay attention to adversary. It is important not to follow up too quickly in this attack. Although enemy may be staggering and nursing it's wounds a sudden follow up will panic the wounded creature causing an instinctual recovery to defend itself. The winner of this combat will hang back and prepare their next move. If your opponent is left to nurse your blow the psychological impact will do far more damage. Allow your opponent to hurt, perhaps even remind them they are injured for the more it concentrate on pain the weaker opponent become in mind. Then just as enemy recovers and thinks it has respite, renew your attack. I hope you understand this first valuable lesson. If you are unlucky enough to receive a blow yourself do not steel yourself and continue your assault. Wise fighters will reel from the blow and allow themselves a split second to recover. If your opponent does not believe their solid blow has harmed their adversary they will continue until they witness a reaction. By showing your opponent you have been hurt they will take this time to gather strength for the continuing fight and prepare their follow up attack. This also gives you time to clear your mind and choose a true course of action. If bad fortune you are defeated and fall but have retained enough strength to continue by no means lie in the dirt like a coward. Quickly remove yourself from danger until you are strong enough to return. If you are not truly injured and are lying in the dirt, do not be surprised if the creature you are fighting strikes you for trying to trick it. Not all creatures are as honourable as yourself! In worst situation, you are seriously injured and grounded, stay as still as possible for if your opponent sees you move they may believe you are trying to trick them and the above may occur. Control your body with mind until assistance arrives from your allies. This is the second valuable lesson. Sometimes grappling is a clever way to disable a dangerous opponent. One must pay attention to the size and nature of foe. In situation when creature is gigantic such as Ogre or larger creature, the creature will toss you to the floor like a straw doll. Bare this in mind before you consider these tactics and despite foe, always prepare a soft landing.

This is the third valuable lesson. If the opponent you face has been bent to your will, a switch in tactics can open the battle and fuddle your adversaries' mind. A well placed fist or foot strike is quicker than any blade and although may not have the same devastating effect regarding wounds the surprise and shock can confuse an enemy who may forget their own weapon to return a similar strike. A few well placed, definite blows can break an opponents rhythm before resuming with weapon, or can open up potential to grapple opponent. This is fourth valuable lesson. The final lesson I teach to you is perhaps the most important for without it all the other lessons will mean little. If your opponent cannot be bent with mind and cannot fight with style then there are only two paths to take. An opponent whose mind will not be coaxed to accept your style is weak in spirit and should be pitied. One path is to disengage the unworthy adversary and find an opponent worthy of fighting. Or if they must be defeated the only option is to be forced down to fight at their level. With these basic lessons learned I hope readers will feel safer when in Outlands and begin to find more in combat than survival instinct. Those who wish more enlightenment or aid in these techniques should pass by the Kougan School of Fighting Arts where even our lowest students will be able to help you with anything regarding the disciplines taught in this paper. Continued from Back Page ribs and suspected coronary. With possession back to Dellgate and Mungo not having eaten for weeks, quick thinking Captain Angry Jackson grabbed a pie seller from the stands and waved him about over the Valguard goal line. Mungo's slow but steady run to the touchline resulted in several players from both sides being sent to the dugout with minor injuries. Valguard soon responded by swamping Jackson and the unfortunate salesman, resulting in a dislocated shoulder for the Dellgate captain and the spilling of multiple meat products. This effectively halted Mungo's charge as he began snuffling at the ground like a truffle hunting, hog, consuming the pies and anyone within reach.

At this point Dellgate's star player, Fitz 'the Schiz' Felchmeister exploited Valguard's scrabble for the ball, snatching it from the floor and using the feasting Mungo as a springboard to reach the goal line. A disheartened Valguard had their revenge on Mungo, bringing on star kicker Hobnail McGregor and the wrought iron dugout bench, which was duly kicked down the porky defender's gullet. With a surprise score 1-0 to Dellgate in the opening quarter of the first half, things looked good for the underdogs. Could they possibly topple the champions? As the match restarted Valguard rallied their offence and despite piling on intense pressure could do nothing to break past Choppa Daniels, newly signed to Dellgate from The Kougan School of Fighting Arts. Just before the close of the first half, Fitz showed a piece of true Troll Ball magic, sliding through the legs of three Valguard defenders and hot footing down the flank. At a mere 15 yards from the goal line the Valguard defender Stonewall Sherman had the last laugh as he upended Fitz into the Valguard supporters just as the whistle blew. It took the militia over 15 minutes to retrieve the broken body, ruling Fitz out of the second half as the clerics of Sheetra fought for his life. With both Felchmeister and Headlock out for the rest of the game it looked grim for Dellgate as Valguard's Cannibal Benny made a startling recovery returning to a relatively uninjured side. On Blind Pugh McPatrick's whistle, Hobnail MacGregor led Valguard in a mass charge to the Dellgate goal line. The half presented some extraordinary passing from Valguard but gradually became bogged down into a midfield ruck. Finally from midst the pile up emerged Bungo MacVity (recently voted the league's most unpopular player). It looked as MacVity's moment of glory and perhaps acceptance might actually come as unnoticed he made his way up the field. Boos and jeers filled the stadium as MacVity looked certain to equalise. Still thinking he was on to a good thing MacVity ignored the amassing of some 200 supporters from both sides at the Dellgate end. Leaping the barriers the mob intercepted MacVity yards from the line and started to beat him to a pulp. The Militia stepped in to try and stop the bloodshed but soon found themselves being stripped of their weapons. Unable to restore order the Militia joined in until MacVity was merely a stain on the pitch. This means MacVity has been killed a record 5 times in one season and it looks like the cleric's will be working overtime on this one. That's providing they find something to work on! The resulting confusion allowed the much-feared Monstrous Eddi Bogface to bundle over the goal line to the protests of Dellgate.

Once the referee had finished beating the last dregs of life from MacVity, McGregor blew the whistle to restart play. The score now 1 - 1, Valguard looked stronger for the loss of their player bringing on the wining partnership of Slippy Poxface and Murray the Whippet. With a sudden rush of defiance Dellgate pushed deep into Valguard's half threatening to score at any moment. Luckily for Valguard, the Whippet and Poxface intercepted the ball grounding Choppa Daniels and setting up a superb passing game as they rushed for the end. As swaths of Dellgate players piled towards the pair, Poxface passed at the last moment to Valguard's half orc Captain, Gibbon Fistbiscuit who forced his way over the line giving Valguard the lead. As the seconds ticked away in the game Dellgate fell apart, demoralised by Fistbiscuit's crushing blow. By the time the final whistle blew they were lucky not to concede more. The final score, 2 -1 to Valguard as they retain the championship for another year over a valiant Dellgate who almost threatened an upset. Despite the horrific intervention of Red Death, just after the match inciting a full pitch riot this match was a classic. So impressed with Dellgate's performance, keen Troll Ball and Destroyers fan, Duke Nazgar promised to provide, 'a brand new stadium for our boy's assault on the Championship next season'. With Valguard holding onto their title for another year Dellgate have shown that the champions do look beatable and with the return of Headlock and Fitz Felchmeister, Duke Nazgar may find himself presenting the Troll Ball trophy to his own team. Caspian Klent Dellgate Graveyard Parents killed by orcs? Or just plain unlucky? Give your loved one's a home at the Dellgate Graveyard. Here your deceased will lie surrounded by the many other famous, heroic bodies who rest in these peaceful, ancient surroundings. Such luxury is worth killing for! To have some one buried in our Graveyard please fill in the following details and deliver them to The Western Realms Gazette Offices in Dellgate. Name: Occupation: Race: Cause of Death: Epitaph: Your Name: The Graveyard will soon be open to spiritual visitors at www.realms.force9.co.uk/SR/grave.htm

Troll Ball Cup Final Dellgate Destroyers Valiant Against Victors With a crowd of an estimated 800 supporters the Dellgate, Troll Ball ground was packed to capacity as it hosted the 1099 Troll Ball Cup Final. Under the keen eye of Duke Nazgar, the Dellgate Destroyers prepared to conquer the three times Troll Ball champions and archrivals, the Valguard Victors in a no holds barred grudge match. With the frenzied atmosphere reaching fever pitch as kick off loomed, the Dellgate Milita were hard pressed to control violent scuffles between rival fans. Finally to a tumult of deafening cheers the two teams initiated the Dellgate, Valguard tradition of starting the match in the tunnel. With Referee Blind Pugh McPatrick unable to restore order, he threw the ball onto the pitch and blew the starting whistle. The match had begun! The first to crawl from out of the carnage was Valguard's star runner, Cannibal Benny who grabbing the ball set off towards Dellgate's goal line at an alarming pace. With no one to stop him it seemed certain that Valgaurd would be first to put themselves on the score sheet. However Valguard had not reckoned on Dellgate's Star defensive back, Mongo Headlock. Allegedly out of the game with a dislocated head, he had in fact been lying on the pitch for over a week - long enough the grass to have sprouted over him perfectly disguising the blocker as just another small hillock on the already uneven playing surface. The resulting impact and shock, as presumed dead Mungo rose up from the ground, sent Benny straight to the dug out with crushed Continued on page 13

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